This weekend, I said goodbye to Riley, our family’s 14-year-old fox terrier. Riley was more than a family pet. He was my office partner and work buddy through two different stints of freelancing.
When we first brought him home as a puppy to live with us in Fullerton, California, he was small enough to walk under my desk, circle around and fall asleep on my feet.
In 2000, freelancing wasn’t as common as it is today. There were plenty of times I made sure he was out of earshot or occupied in the backyard before picking up the phone for an interview for fear he’d bark and give away that I was working from a home office.
After we moved to Portland, during the time I took off to be a SAHM, he and I would start the day by driving the school carpool, then walk through Gabriel Park or hike one of the trails that runs through the city’s southwest hills before coming home to whatever volunteer project was on my agenda.
My coworking buddy
When I went back to work, Riley was my coworking buddy. He appointed himself my receptionist, barking when a delivery person was at the door. He used a low growl that got louder and more insistent if I didn’t pay attention to tell me when it was time for a snack, a break or a trip outside.
In the past few years, working from home became more common for freelancers and remote-based employees. I no longer felt the need to hide Riley away during inteviews, and heard more barking dogs on the other end of a phone call than on mine.
A little over a year ago, after returning from a week at the annual ASJA writers’ conference, I felt a bump on the top of his head. A couple trips to the vet later we had a diagnosis: cancer, an inoperable bone tumor growing on his skull. By last summer he was on medication to ease the pain and keep the tumor from growing.
But it did grow, and over the months, my little office buddy gradually lost his perkiness. He stopped barking at the FedEx guy or growling at me to play. My husband hooked a retractable leash to a clothesline strung across our back deck so Riley could wander around outside without unintentionally wandering out of the yard.
Bad times
When his health really started to go, I put his dog bed next to my desk, the better to keep track of him, and once again, he took to sleeping close to my feet. By then it wasn’t his barking I worried about during phone calls, but his constant wheezy snore.
His last few weeks were increasingly difficult, with bad days gradually overtaking good ones, until finally every day was a bad one.
We said goodbye Saturday at the vet’s office, surrounding him and taking turns holding and petting him just like that day at the breeder’s long ago when we picked him out of the liter.
Today is my first day working without my office mate. I haven’t stopped expecting him to come around the corner at any second. I still catch myself listening to see if I can hear him pacing, nails clacking on the hardwood floors, as he did when he was sick.
My youngest son is already lobbying for a new dog, but I’ve told him I need time. I lost the best office partner a freelancer could want. I need to celebrate what’s gone before contemplating what’s next.
You have my deepest sympathies Michelle. We had three beagles running around here. The oldest one died about five years ago, and the two remaining are 13 & 14 years old. One of them is somewhat independent. The other is my bud, often sleeping at my feet while I work. Like Riley, he is my door bell reinforcement and receptionist. Sadly, both of them are starting to fade with age. He does not let me know the door bell rang anymore, and often stays in the office when I go to answer the door. I do not look forward to the inevitable.
The pain does pass. I no longer hurt for the loss of our first beagle, but still retain the fond memories of his time in our lives.
Speaking of fading with age, Riley has distinctive black spots on his white coat, but they faded substantially in the last 2 years of his life to the point where they were a faint grey — just like me if I didn’t visit my stylist on a regular basis. If you’re interested in being part of the post I’m planning on freelancers/readers and their office buddies, let me know (see details below).
Michelle
Sorry for your loss. My cat keeps me company on my computer.
Thank you Celia. If you’re interested in being part of the post I’m planning on freelancers and their office buddies, let me know (see details below).
Michelle
My deepest sympathies. My husband and I are currently “staff” to 5 cats. Two years ago we had to say goodbye to our beloved Calvin who was 13 years old– a sweet gentle soul. I feel his absence daily. Our eldest cat, Hermes is 16 and I know that there will come a time when we must say goodbye to him as well. Cherish your memories and thank you for sharing Riley’s life with us.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve received huge outpouring of support in comments, on FB and in email messages from fellow freelancers and other readers with their own stories of past and present office buddies. I’ve received so many, I’m writing a follow up on freelancers and their animal office mates. If you’d like to be included, send a picture of your office buddies along with a line or two about them — name, age, where they sit while you work, quirky habits, etc. — to wordcountfreelance@gmail.com.
Michelle
Michelle,
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It seems that you were very fortunate to have a dedicated office buddy, and I agree that you should celebrate the memories. (I say this as a freelancer who has never had an office buddy, but does have a young son who is also lobbying for a pet).
It took my family years of asking for me to agree to a dog. I never had one growing up, and when I was young was allergic to animal fur and dander. We got a fox terrier because they’re hypoallergenic, they have hair, not fur. My daughter wanted a dog so badly her Catholic school class included it in their daily intentions!
Michelle
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your constant companion. It’s so heartbreaking to read about his illness and of today’s quiet expectation.
My deepest sympathies! I know how hard it can be; that void is terrible. I had a similar experience about five years ago, and I know it is tough to consider a new dog right now. When the time is right, I do so much encourage you to think about adopting a rescue dog (there are some breed-specific organizations).
My present “work buddy,” Mona, is right here (snoring, as usual). She is very different from my departed Scrappy, but in many ways that is good — I can remember Scrappy yet have the companionship of a different personality.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand what great companionship a dog is when working from home.
Michelle,
My great sympathy! I had the privilege of meeting Riley several times. Jay gave me the link for this hommage to him. He would be proud, I bet.
I have lost two pets since December — Mona, my Moluccan cockatoo, died of a sudden pneumonia in December; my male Cairn, Mack, on February 20th of lung and other cancers, and now my female Cairn, Sophie, has been diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma, no real cure possible and up to two months to live. I am disconsolate at the present moment.
Not having wife or children, pets have loomed large in my heart and life. I’ve had the privilege of them letting me in their brief lives and they’ve been generous beyond belief. Surely St. Francis keeps an eye on all these things!
Blessings!
Father Mayo
Hi Fr. Mayo:
Thanks so much for the note. Jay told me about your pets, I am so sorry for your losses. What I learned from Riley is that caring for an aging and sick pet is a lesson in compassion. It’s not fun dealing with a dog who can’t see well, paces constantly and forgets to let you know he has to go out. But it’s the least we could do to give back to a dog who brought us so much joy and happiness over his lifetime, and didn’t ask for much in return.
Michelle