Tech cliches we never want to hear or write again

The computer industry loves jargon. Think about it. Engineers and programmers get into designing computers and writing code because they’re good at math and conceptual thinking, not necessarily with words. Consequently, stories about computer and Internet are cluttered with words and phrases nobody ever uses in real life. I’m tired of hearing them, and work hard at not letting them slip into my stories.

Here are some I never want to hear or write again:

At the end of the day – Normally spoken by marketing directors or vice presidents in phone interviews. Meaning to sum things up.  I’ve heard this one since the early 1990s. Enough.

Enterprise – Beam me up Scotty, so I can escape from this one, a common substitute for the words “company” or “business,” especially to describe one that’s really, really big.

Grrl - A human female of a certain, normally younger, age who understands technical stuff. Those extra r’s make her sound mad.

Mashup – A new one I’m already tired of. A noun that describes two or more Web-based software programs that have been glued together in some fashion. The old business about 1+1=3.

Meme – Never could understand what it was supposed to mean. And if the writer can’t, imagine how the poor reader feels.

Platform - The hardware or operating system software that a specific software program runs on. Microsoft Windows, Linux and Mac OS are operating system software platforms. Confused? Everybody else is too.

Solution – Catch-all phrase used to describe a product or service, ideally one that solves a potential customer’s problem. So why not just say that.

Space – Particular area of business a company sells to or operates in. As in, “Microsoft is the leading vendor in the enterprise email space.” Thanks to my editor friend Carroll for coming up with this one.

Techno – When used as a prefix, describes something technical, such as “technogeek.” Not to be confused with the kind of music my college-age daughter listens to.

Thinking outside the box – Once fast food restaurants start riffing on this in their ad campaigns, you know it’s time to put a fork in it (sorry, couldn’t resist that one).

Transparency - How forthcoming an organization is about something. Generally used in the negative, as in “There’s little transparency about how they plan to introduce their solution into the space.” Ugh. UPDATE: Adding a shout out to Susan Weiner, a freelance investment writer who blogs at Investment Writing for this word, which was the inspiration for the post.

User – There’s no getting around this one. because the word is so darn, well, useful. So why does it make me feel like I’m calling people drug addicts. I make coffee in a French press every morning, but I don’t refer to myself as a “French press user.” So why do people insist on referring to someone with a PC as a “PC user”?

Web 2.0 – Software programs you use all the time that live on the Internet instead of on your computer’s hard drive. Veiled reference to numbering system companies use to identify software upgrades. For Web 2.0, think Facebook and YouTube, but also Salesforce.com, Gmail and My Yahoo. Great innovations, but when writers start putting “2.0″ after everything – Dating 2.0 anyone? -  it’s time to say goodbye.

Like this kind of stuff? You can read a bunch more at marketer/blogger Seth Godin’s Encyclopedia of Business Cliches.